Parenting, in three words

A simple truth that no one says out loud

Mother’s Day can be fraught.

For most of us we probably had/have a loving mother who gave us everything she could and we needed to enter the adult world.

Others have problematic relationships with their Mum that surface later in life. (If you’ve never read anything about ‘The Mother Wound’ or ‘Ghosts in the Nursery’, it’s worth exploring).

I’m currently watching the excellent HBO Series ‘Rooster’ starring Steve Carrell.

From the makers of Ted Lasso, ‘Rooster’ follows Carrell playing a doting/interfering Dad trying to help his daughter who is having major relationship issues (no spoilers).

The daughter is a Professor at a liberal Arts College in Vermont and Carrell’s character takes up a guest lecturer position to hang around her for a semester.

One scene in the most recent episode cut me straight to the core.

His daughter is moaning to a student about Carrell interfering in her life so much.

The student (whose own Dad is absent in his life) has a retort that is profound.

“Hey, at least he gives a shit”.

I sat on that for a while and realised there was no other parenting advice anyone ever needs.

The idea is simple. Give a shit about your kids life.

When they aren’t communicating with you as regularly, find ways to give a shit.

When they say they don’t need your help, find ways to give a shit.

When they piss you off and you feel angry, find ways to give a shit.

When they push you away, find ways to give a shit.

Your job as a parent isn’t to say, ‘hey I tried’. It’s to keep giving a shit no matter what. Until the end.

It’s one thing they’ll definitely reflect on after you’re gone.

Did Mum or Dad give a shit about me?

You want that answer to be yes.